


kindness is a language (which the deaf can hear)

by thisissirius



Series: cartography by hand [1]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Deaf Character, Friendship, M/M, Pre-Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-28
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23897995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisissirius/pseuds/thisissirius
Summary: Buck’s left in a house where his parents talk to him as though he can hear every word.Can you repeat that, becomes Buck’s go-to phrase.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)
Series: cartography by hand [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1753216
Comments: 30
Kudos: 849





	kindness is a language (which the deaf can hear)

**Author's Note:**

> written for a prompt on tumblr.

“Could you repeat that?”

Buck gets tired of saying it. 

When he’s younger, he tries to get by without any aid. His parents can afford to pay for whatever he needs, but they refuse to fund anything that would make him look less than perfect. 

Hearing aids, cochlear implants?

Those would mar Buck’s appearance and they won’t have it. Buck’s not surprised. His mother insists on covering Buck’s birthmark with makeup until he’s sixteen and decides to hell with it, he’s gonna be proud. (It helps that he’s tall and bulky enough by that point to stand up to them without fear.)

His lack of hearing is something else entirely. 

The only person who bothers to learn Sign is Maddie. She’s careful with it at first. They never do it in front of their parents (they learn to communicate through looks and gestures their parents can’t claim as Sign) and Maddie always makes sure to learn at Buck’s pace. Buck learns to talk with Maddie’s help. It’s difficult at first, he watches the way Maddie winces when he’s too loud, so he can regulate his volume. He takes his cues from Maddie and neither of them realize the downsides until Doug appears and Maddie’s gone. 

Buck’s left in a house where his parents talk to him as though he can hear every word. 

_Can you repeat that,_ becomes Buck’s go-to phrase.

His parents’ exasperation drives him to college, where he learns how much it’s going to cost him for aids or implants without help. He goes behind his parents’ backs, gets aids to start with because the implant feels permanent. They help, and he gets by, though he doesn’t _like_ them. He thinks if this is how Hearing people listen, he doesn’t want a part of it. He grits his teeth and gets through it because he’s set his sights on being something better;

Navy SEAL. 

Buck’s confident until the physical. As soon as they realize he’s deaf, they assure him there are plenty of civilian jobs he can do instead, but he won’t make the SEALs. 

It’s the first time Buck’s really hated his disability, and he can’t even tell Maddie. She’s miles away, crushed under the weight of Doug, and Buck doesn’t know how to get to her. 

He’s alone. 

It’s not until he’s caught up in a car accident - he’s not involved in the major crash, but his car comes out with damage - and he’s watching the first responders work that he thinks _I wanna do that_. 

Deafness precludes him from most of the things he wants to do, so he reluctantly decides to get implants. It’ll mean he can hear to do his job - and LA County will let him wear the uniform and get _paid_ instead of volunteer.

He doesn’t like them, spends so long looking in the mirror, running his fingers over the implants and swallows down the urge to scream. Learning to hear, to interpret sounds as something he understands is hard and many times he almost gives up. He just wants to do what he loves, with the disability that made him, and he wants it on the same terms as everybody else. 

Safety is paramount, he knows this, and he knows his crew needs to rely on him. If he can’t hear, he can’t help. He grits his teeth, digs his nails into his hands, and deals with the implants. It’s necessary. 

There’s Abby, the first person since Maddie to Sign for him and god, he loves her for it. She teaches him so much, and not just because she shows him being Deaf isn’t something he needs to hide when he’s fu-in a relationship with someone. He loves her for it, makes him want to talk to Maddie for the first time in years. 

But she goes, takes most of Buck with her. He’s lonely, he knows, and more in person than hearing.

Which doesn’t explain why the first thing he does when Eddie Diaz shows up is think _threat._

Eddie’s not a threat; his eyes flit to Buck’s implants like everybody else, but he never asks. He just nods, moves on to the next topic, and Buck’s thrown enough by it that he’s antagonistic.

Until the bomb. Until Bobby’s about to say, _not Buck_ for the first time in months, but Eddie asks for him, wants him by his side. Buck’s not sure what it means, not even when the ambulance blows and Eddie’s asking if he wants dinner. 

They want dinner. 

Buck’s not sure what happens after that; 

Eddie likes him, genuinely wants to spend time with him, and then _Christopher_. 

He’s perfect, the best little man Buck’s ever met, and he can feel Eddie’s eyes on them the first time they have a conversation. 

Christopher looks at his implants, then down at his crutches. “We match!”

They don’t, not really, but Buck grins. It’s genuine, something he’s not felt for a long, long time, and he nods. “Yeah, Buddy, we do.”

They high five, but then Christopher’s face falls. “I can’t learn Sign, Buck.”

Buck’s heart clenches painfully in his chest, and he deliberately doesn’t look at Eddie as he rests a hand under Christopher’s chin, looks him in the eye. “Don’t you worry about that, Christopher. I’ll always hear you.”

It’s not a promise he usually makes because he can’t, but just the look on Christopher’s face, the dejected slant to his mouth has Buck talking. 

“You didn’t have to do that,” Eddie says. He talks clearly, makes sure Buck is looking, and Buck’s heart lurches painfully once again. Eddie doesn’t have to; the implants work well enough that he could just talk normally, but something about the way he always speaks to Buck is careful. 

“You don’t have to do that,” Buck says, waving a hand at Eddie. “Make sure I can hear you.”

Eddie’s eyes are bright. “Why?”

“I can hear you with these,” Buck says, lips curling on the words in a way he can’t help.

There’s something in Eddie’s expression he can’t decipher. “That’s why,” he says, nodding at Buck. “The expression you make when you talk about them.”

Buck frowns. 

“Why get them if you don’t like them?”

“Because I wouldn’t be a firefighter otherwise,” Buck says, wincing. “Not- I could volunteer, but it’s not the same. This is - this is my life, Eddie, and I get to do it without having to worry about a full-time job as well. It’s - it’s all I want, and being born Deaf never seemed to matter until then.”

Eddie steps forward, hand resting on Buck’s neck. It’s warm, a point of contact Buck can’t ignore, and he sucks in a breath, not sure he wants to breathe. It’ll ruin the moment. “If you don’t wanna wear em around me, Buck, that’s okay.”

“Christopher,” Buck croaks, because he doesn’t know what to do with that. 

_He’ll learn_ , Eddie signs, and Buck can’t breathe for a completely different reason. 

“You Sign?”

“I can learn,” Eddie promises, and Buck lets out a sob, thinks of Maddie and Abby, and closes his eyes, nods. Eddie pulls him close, nose brushing Buck’s temple, the outline of the implant. “Just be _you_ , Buck, even if that means you turn them off when we’re together.”

Buck’s hands grip Eddie’s hips, holds on because he thinks maybe he’ll fall if Eddie doesn’t keep him up. “Have to at work.”

“Yeah,” Eddie says, and Buck’s still not completely sure about inflection in people’s voices, but he thinks he hears regret. “Not at home.”

Home. With Eddie and Christopher?

“Or with me,” Eddie adds a beat too late, but there’s still promise in Eddie’s face, in the way he smiles tentatively, slowly, and Buck finds himself smiling back. 

“Eddie.”

Eddie’s mouth twitches. Buck adjusts his implant, knows he’ll turn it back on for Christopher until they’re comfortable enough that they can communicate around Buck’s Deafness, but for now he needs this. 

“All right?” Eddie says, making sure Buck’s watching his lips.

Buck nods, lets out the breath he feels like he’s been holding the entire time. “Thank you.”

“You don’t have to thank me,” Eddie says. Then Signs, _I’d do anything for you._

Maybe because it’s hard to say aloud, but to Buck, he might as well have screamed it. 


End file.
